Okay, so I am on month number 6 now of my weight loss and I cant help but think "What If?". What if I didnt get lazy and stop exercising and eating healthy those few times, how skinny would I be now? Would I be at my goal weight or maybe even have lost more? What if I added the second work out of my day back when I started? What if I started this 10 years ago, would I have stayed fit and skinny and would I have been able to keep up with it? I have 19 pounds left until I reach my goal of being healthy and fit and about 29 pounds to reach the ultimate weight goal I have set for myself. Its not really that far considering I have come 40 pounds since I started. Even that blows my mind.. to think, I will have lost 70 pounds by the time I hit my goal. The act of doing it hasnt really been that hard, just keeping on track and motivated at times has.
I have gone through my moments of laziness and I dont know if that relates to depression or the fat girl in me. A couple months ago I took matters into my own hands (again and in a different way) and tried to get to the bottom of it. I was sick of laying on the couch and sleeping all the time and being cranky and moody. I knew working out would make me feel better and happier but I just couldnt get myself to the gym. It hurt to move or to even think about the gym. I even have a road bike set up on a trainer in my room and I couldnt even get my lazy ass on that! So, I went to the doctor and asked for help. I was put on and anti-depressant to help for the anxiety, stress, and depression I was having that was keeping me from life. (I will talk more about my journey with stress and depression in a later blog).
Long story short though, I was able to get back on the tred-mill and bike again and start losing weight. Its been difficult but I am able to keep at it and not stop. I work out every-day no matter what, except for Sundays. People talk about cheat days and Sunday's have been selected as mine. However, I dont pig out and go crazy and lounge around in pj's all day. I have a choice... I chose to either eat one unhealthy snack and enjoy it but I have to exercise later that day, or I chose to eat healthy all day and skip my exercise for the day. So far its working. I am sick of wondering "What If". I dont want to wonder in 6 months from now how skinny or how in shape I COULD'VE been. I want to see the results!