"Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. "

Okay, I'm going to do a little rant and rave with this post. Its not going to be about me but more about a “friend” I have. A friend who came to me months ago and asked me to how I was losing weight and wanted my advice. So, I helped her out and gave her all the advice I could. I even offered to take her to the gym with me and show her how to work out. I even went as far as to taking her to the grocery store and picking out foods and dinners for her and showing her how to read the labels. I put a lot of time into helping her out and sitting down and creating recipes for her. The recipes part wasn't easy either and she is, or should I say I am, very luck that I am a great cook with a lot of knowledge and can put anything together that is yummy. She doesn't eat veggies and she doesn't like to cook chicken.

Well, after simplifying inexpensive recipes for her she gave it a shot. It lasted about 2 meals and she gave up. I got a text message from her one day saying, “I had a salad and a wrap from McDonald's...is that okay?” Is that okay? I giggled a little. I wanted to be like “do you think that's okay?!!!!” But, I kept it in and didn't reply. I figured as long as she was eating little meals and exercising regularly it would be okay.

The day came when I asked her to go to the gym with me. She was very into the idea of going and I was into the idea of having someone to work out with. It makes time go by faster and I find I can spend more time on the treadmill. Well, that dream was short lived, too. She never went with me to the gym. I cared at first but its hard to keep caring about someone who doesn't care about themselves and only makes excuses. Sometimes I just with people would tell the truth rather than lie.

Anyway, it irritates me so much now to see posts from her online about how she is getting in shape and wants to be skinny but a day later there is something posted about how she is eating pnut butter cups or cake. Really, how naive can someone be to think that 1 hour of exercise a few days a week help get you into shape and lose weight when all you are eating is junk food and sugar?

"No vacation goes unpunished."

There is nothing like a good vacation to ruin an even better healthy lifestyle. How many times have you started a great diet plan and exercise routine only for it to be ruined by a holiday or vacation? I will admit, its kind of hard to stay on track when you are having so much fun, and these past two weeks I did fall off the horse a little bit.
With a family of three, which is really a family of 5 with the way my husband likes to eat, its expensive to eat at restraunts on an 8 hour road trip. We easily spend $20 each time we stop at any fast food place and at-least $10 at coffee shops. So, we tend to migrate to cheaper places when we travel, such as Taco Bell. Yes, I ate Taco Bell at-least 4 times on this trip and I definitely met Karma after doing so. My tummy hurt so much that I thought I was going to die!
I did get in a good hike one day on our trip and I did try to move around a little more than I normally would on a vacation. The hike was a 10 mile hike through the blue ridge mountains and was really nice. I will post pics in a later post. We also made a few mall trips so we could walk around and get out.
I am getting better on my vacations than I used to be. We used to eat out every chance we got and would put half and half in our coffee's. We used to also sit around and do nothing on our trips. The most exercise I would get is walking to the car. So, even though we still do bad things, we have found ways to improve them to make them a little better. Instead of eating a huge burrito or cheeseburger with a large french fry, I'm eating grilled chicken sandwiches with no sauce or a fresco taco (cutting out dairy products). Also, a huge change is using skim milk instead of half and half each cup of coffee I drink. You may not think this is much of a change at all but I drink a lot of coffee which results in a lot of creamer. I would say on average, I probably use about 2 cups of “creamer” a day. I'm also finding things to get me out of the house. Such as the hike (site seeing), going to the mall and window shopping, going to the park and playing tennis, and walking around the city. We are also going to the grocery store and buying things instead of going out to eat when we get to our destination. So, not only is our vacation “health” getting better but our budget is too!

Shinning Rock here I come!

Going on a 10mile hike through and "ontop" of the Blueridge Mountains!!! I'm so excited to use my new cybershot camera up there with the amazing views. I will post Monday all about it with some pics.

Death by Treadmill!

So this week has been chaotic and I really don't know where to begin. I think tonight I would like to just let out a little steam. A year and a half ago we moved into our apartment complex here in VA Beach. We choose this apartment complex because its safe and clean, offers many amenities such as the gym and pool, and is next to everything. We thought we would be very comfortable living here for 2 years while my husband was stationed in VA Beach. The first year we went through some small maintenance problems such as the wash and dryer not working properly and the drains being very very clogged. But, maintenance came out and fixed the problems fairly quick.

Now on to my biggest problem here. The gym! I had started using the gym on and off last May and since then it has been nothing but problems they aren't fixing in the gym. The main one being the treadmills. There are three treadmills in the gym and you would think that would be enough for anyone to use and not have to wait if someone else is using a treadmill. Well, it would be if they worked. Only one works and the other two are broken. One has been broken at-least as long as we've been using the gym, over a year ago, and the other one has been broken since at-least December. The bikes handle bars are falling apart and they are actually holding the parts together with scotch tape! Not even duck tape, but scotch tape! There is supposed to be some sort of sanitizer in the gym to spray down the equipment but they rarely offer the one bottle they do have and they never stock on the paper towels. They do offer a sauna which is nice but it is carved with graffiti.

Then there is the subject of the pool. This is a sad sad story. Last summer it was opened maybe a total of 3 weeks in the 4 months of hot summer we have here. It was always closed for maintenance or just because. I think the just because is they are lazy and cant find anyone to go out and clean it. About a month ago I was running on the treadmill and I looked out the window and noticed 3 baby ducks swimming in the pool. They were super cute but it looked like they were trapped. Because the office decided they were going to drain the pool down to 3 inches for the winter and spring and not fill it back up when it got hot again here, the baby ducks were stuck. The mommy duck was standing outside the pool quacking and walking back and forth and quacking some more. Being a mommy I felt for her but I thought, “hey, the staff will come in in the morning and fix this and help the duckies out”. I was wrong, again. I went back the next day and this time there was only one baby duck left, the mommy duck quacking frantically, and a vulcher eating one of the duckies that disappeared from the pool. Well, having the mommy instinct and feeling horrible for the mommy duck I ran to my car and grabbed the only box I could find, which coincidentally was a KFC box, and I hopped the fence to try to rescue this chick. The mommy duck wouldn't let me get near the baby, so sadly I wasn't able to rescue it.

About three weeks ago I went to the gym to run and I started my treadmill up and set my stuff down and went to the bathroom to get a paper towel to wipe down the previous machine I was using and when I came back some girl was on the treadmill walking. WTF! I was livid, so I marched into the office and asked the staff when they were going to fix the other two treadmills that have been broken over a year. They informed me that the parts were on their way and they would be fixed soon. Guess what? I went back tonight and they are still not fixed and the same thing happened to me again tonight. Set my stuff down, went to the water fountain to fill up my bottle, came back and some woman was on it. Its amazing how the gym is empty until you need a machine... then people actually show up. This is getting so frustrating. I know what you are think...why not run on the street? Well, I feel there are two types of people, those who run on treadmills and those who run on the street and for them to do the opposite is almost impossible. I am a treadmill runner and I find it impossible to run on the street.

Anyway, I am going to call the corporate office and speak to them about the rudeness of the office manager and why they cant actually offer the amenities they offer in the brochure.

"It's the most unhappy people who most fear change."- Mignon McLaughlin

This week I am going to shy away from the topic of exercise and talk about something a little more personal. Some people would see this topic as controversial. Some people may find it as a way to finally find peace and others may think that the only way to find peace is to change the way you are doing things in your life....Anti-depressants!

In January I noticed that I was changing, and not in a good way. I was always tired and moody and just didn't feel right. I didn't want to get out of bed and when I did get out of bed I would just lay on the couch all day. I didn't want to go anywhere and I didn't really feel like doing anything. Hell, I didn't even want to shower because it meant I had to get out of the shower and get dressed and blow dry my hair. I've had my share of ups and downs and times I didn't want to do anything but exercising always seemed to be my way of "self medicating". Before January I was able to get on the tred-mill and run and feel so much better after-wards. I was at the point that I was stuck in this vicious cycle of knowing that I needed to go to the gym to feel better but I lacked the motivation and energy to get there. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Then it all started to set in. I was becoming sadder and paranoid and just all around crazy. I would always worry and I wasn't sleeping. When I did sleep I would have crazy night-mares and wake up in half dreams. An example of what I call a half dream is where I wake up and I think I am seeing something on the bed, like a huge spider, and I jump out of bed and I can have a complete conversation with my husband but I am still dreaming. I've had these dreams in the past but they were starting to become a lot more frequent. So, one day I decided that I needed to get some help. I made an appointment with my doctor.

Now, getting medicated help isn't as easy as all the jokes make it out to be. I felt like I had to go through hoops and over hurdles to get help. Because I live in what is considered the "north region" for Tri Care, I am FORCED to see a military doctor no matter what, unless I am dieing, and then I can go to the emergency room. Well, if anyone has ever been to a military clinic it takes at-least a week to be seen and then they ask you to get there 15 minutes before your appointment time only to have you wait an hour after your appointment time. You can see the fun I had having a 2 year old, stress, and anxiety and having to wait over an hour to be seen. This was only half my battle though.

So, I get into the doctor and she is asking me all these questions... "do you think of suicide, how's your sleep, how do you feel, how many times a day do you feel sad, on a scale of 1-10, do you handle stress well, how do you sleep, do you have a problem with people and groups, blah blah". After about an hour of convincing her that I actually needed help and wasn't a junkie looking for crazy pills she decided to help me. Well, she first put me on Effexor and holy cow that messed me up. I was able to feel happy but I was always sick and sleepy. So, I basically became a very happy, bulimic, couch potato. Again, I went back and waited my hour and went through the song and dance of convincing her that it wasn't working and why and she gave me a prescription for Zoloft. Jackpot! Now, we did have a problem with giving me the right dose but finally go it right. Too much made me feel loopy and high and too little just wasn't enough. So now, I am a lot happier. I handle stress a lot better and I am seeing things in a more normal perspective. I feel like a normal person. I'm doing a lot more with my son and I can keep up with him. I try to take him to the park at-least 2xs a week and I am always wanting to go out and do something. I try to work out twice a day now and I always have enough energy that I could probably do it 3xs a day if I really wanted to. My sleeping has become better but I still need help sometimes and on those nights I use Lunesta.

The only problem I have ran into using Anti-depressants is the weight loss. I am not losing as much weight as I was before I was put on it. I average about a pound a week. I started doing some reading on Zoloft and side effects and if it causes weight gain, and it does in some people. Actually, most anti-depressants have either a weight gain or a weight loss side effect. Well, I haven't gained any weight, its just hard to lose weight. But, I'm not giving up. I am still going to work out like I have been and I am going to keep eating relatively healthy. I figure if I am only losing a pound a week it's better than gaining a pound a week, and I am very very happy now. So, to me its worth it!

Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes off the goal!

I was only planning on blogging about once a week and updating the world on whats going on in my weight loss journey or what has already happened. However, I felt like I should blog today to show that I am, indeed, not a super human who works out all the time and that sometimes I just have to sit back and say enough.
   This morning, after dropping Erich off at work, I came home and cleaned our home and scrubbed the spots on the carpet where my 2 year old potty trained dog has decided to pee. I'm not sure if this is a recreational activity for her while we are gone or if she is actually terrified to be alone. Anyway, if you know me you know I am a pretty clean person and once I start cleaning one thing I cant stop and I just keep going and going until there is nothing really left to clean. Its a problem I have and that is probably for another blog another time. =) Anyway, after cleaning I started to feel pretty sick to my stomach so I had a bowl of Special K thinking I was just hungry since I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Well, that definitely didn't help matters and made me feel worse.
   I pushed myself to get on my bike and try to ride but about 2 minutes into my ride I started to feel light headed and hot and even sicker. So, I laid down on the bed and took a 2 hour nap. Waking up I didn't feel great but I had to pick Erich up from work. I struggled to get myself and my three year old out the door while fighting my amazon of a dog who pisses everywhere; she also has a problem with wanting to race you out the door when you are leaving and seems to know the right times (when your hands are full).
   Anyway, I came home and laid down with Erich on the couch and watch a few movies on Netflix and started to feel worse. I chalked my laziness and sickness to I hadn't had my pot of coffee for the day. I have a major coffee problem and should probably go to rehab for it. Well, the coffee didn't help and I found myself getting sicker and sicker. So, after this long story, I decided not to exercise tonight and that I am just going to skip my "cheat day" on Sunday. I did chose to eat a little better today when I did eat. I made homemade chicken and veggie soup for dinner with loads of home made broth in it. Very yummy and very healthy. Hopefully this stays down.

"A year from now, you may wish you started today!"

     Okay, so I am on month number 6 now of my weight loss and I cant help but think "What If?". What if I didnt get lazy and stop exercising and eating healthy those few times, how skinny would I be now? Would I be at my goal weight or maybe even have lost more? What if I added the second work out of my day back when I started? What if I started this 10 years ago, would I have stayed fit and skinny and would I have been able to keep up with it? I have 19 pounds left until I reach my goal of being healthy and fit and about 29 pounds to reach the ultimate weight goal I have set for myself. Its not really that far considering I have come 40 pounds since I started. Even that blows my mind.. to think, I will have lost 70 pounds by the time I hit my goal. The act of doing it hasnt really been that hard, just keeping on track and motivated at times has. 

      I have gone through my moments of laziness and I dont know if that relates to depression or the fat girl in me. A couple months ago I took matters into my own hands (again and in a different way) and tried to get to the bottom of it. I was sick of laying on the couch and sleeping all the time and being cranky and moody. I knew working out would make me feel better and happier but I just couldnt get myself to the gym. It hurt to move or to even think about the gym. I even have a road bike set up on a trainer in my room and I couldnt even get my lazy ass on that! So, I went to the doctor and asked for help. I was put on and anti-depressant to help for the anxiety, stress, and depression I was having that was keeping me from life. (I will talk more about my journey with stress and depression in a later blog).

     Long story short though, I was able to get back on the tred-mill and bike again and start losing weight. Its been difficult but I am able to keep at it and not stop. I work out every-day no matter what, except for Sundays. People talk about cheat days and Sunday's have been selected as mine. However, I dont pig out and go crazy and lounge around in pj's all day. I have a choice... I chose to either eat one unhealthy snack and enjoy it but I have to exercise later that day, or I chose to eat healthy all day and skip my exercise for the day. So far its working. I am sick of wondering "What If". I dont want to wonder in 6 months from now how skinny or how in shape I COULD'VE been. I want to see the results!